For many people who are in the midst of depression, their thoughts tend to focus on their mistakes or their lack of progress towards a goal. In fact, they will often beat themselves up for not getting out of bed, for lacking energy or for seeking isolation and comfort instead of pushing themselves.
The belief for many is that they should be trying harder and that beating themselves up with negativity and harshness will push them to get there. Furthering this belief is an idea that if they don’t beat themselves up, they will actually be accepting their behaviors or status quo.
The reality is that negativity, harshness and beating yourself up will never bring about lasting change; it will never be a proper motivator for long term growth.
The reason is because we are biased negatively towards ourselves. We ignore the positives, we ignore the reasons for our struggle and many people disregard the symptoms of depression as something they “should just push through”.
Self compassion
Instead of practicing a harsh critique, I suggest to start with self compassion and validation.
Dr Kristin Neff has an excellent book on self compassion that I recommend to all of my clients.
Self compassion starts by recognizing the difficult situation you are in first. It can be as simple as saying “I am really struggling right now” or by validating a specific part of that struggle for you. For example, if you have recently lost an important relationship you could say “Losing this important person in my life has been extremely hard for me and that makes it harder for me to have much energy or patience”
By slowing down and practicing self compassion you are stopping the harsh critique narrative that may be playing over and over again.